i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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