don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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