It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
