I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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