she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
