Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
