Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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