He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
