im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
