I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
