please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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