something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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