Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
