My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
