Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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