If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
