I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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