my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
