Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize