Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
