it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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