I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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