i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
