I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize