god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
