Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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