Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
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Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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