Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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