Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
