: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
