he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
