i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
