Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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