i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
