Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?