I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh