We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
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She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
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I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp