Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.