You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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