you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize