I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
