if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
