then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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