omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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