I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
