life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
