I'll bet she douches with gravy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
