It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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