I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
