yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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