"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize