I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
