the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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