I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
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I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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