He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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