I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
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THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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