I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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