his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
