there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
