this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
