just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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