My sheets look like a crime scene.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
