Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
