My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
