david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
