My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
