just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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